notes from a journal

After the date

2008-02-16T10:45:00.000-08:00

Dan and I got along pretty well. After 2 hours of talking over coffee, getting to know each other a little bit sharing a joke or two; he finally made the first move and kissed me. It was a quick peck on the lips. It was nice and soft.

We went someplace private and made out for a good 45 minutes or so. I wasn't ready to jump in the sack with him and I'm relieved that he respected that and didn't expect it either. Glad to know that we're on the same track of taking things slow.

He's a really great guy. Fun to talk to and be around. Let's just say I didn't get home until 2am the following day. It was just nice for a change to just get to know someone personally and intimately without going all the day. Maybe deep down I am just old fashioned at heart.

One more thing. He resembles a very young Woody Harrelson.

Day after Valentine's

2008-02-15T19:03:00.000-08:00

I've sworn myself to never go on blind dates ever again. But there's something about it that excites me. Maybe it's the not knowing of what will happen. I always set myself up to mediocrity outcome; that way I don't get my hopes up.

As I get ready to head out the door, my cell phone is burning up with non-stop text messages from friends wanting to go out tonight. So I just sent a mass text message reply saying that I'm out on a date. Hopefully they'll get the hint to stop bothering me for the night.

Theme parks

2008-01-21T22:07:00.000-08:00

My brother and I went to Universal Studios for the first time in eleven years. A lot has changed since the last time we were there. The tram ride turned out to be a bore. Both the E.T. and Back to the Future rides no longer exist, instead has been replaced by The Mummy: The Ride and some other crap that kids are into these days.

I noticed that there are rarely any Hollywood movie star impersonators like Clark Cable, Marilyn Monroe or Lucille Ball. Instead, they have cartoon characters that appeal more to a younger generation that knows nothing about these Hollywood classics.

Other than that, we had fun taking pictures and checking out the shows and other rides. We tend to make rude and raunchy noises as well as comments. All in all, it was a pretty adventurous and amusing day. It was worth the free ticket.

Productive Saturday

2008-01-14T22:11:00.000-08:00

Today was a productive day. My friend Karen helped me pack some of my belongings and put them in storage. I'm moving back home after years and years of moving around. Now that my step-father passed away in late 2006, it's nice to be with my mom again and help her around the house. After the packing, Karen and I went shopping and she found a pair of boots. She's in a boot-wearing frenzy these days.

Ten years ago she had some pair that she had given up, now she's back on them again. It's nice to see her wearing CFM-boots (cum fuck me) again. I finally got new batteries for my watch. It didn't cost me much, and I miss wearing it because it's FOSSIL and I like the color and style; very classy and studious. A style that they no longer make and sell. The ones they have today in stores are too sporty for my taste. It's almost very yuppie-like.

Didn't get any lunch since we snacked early during the day but it wasn't enough for me. Then again, we were so busy that we hardly thought about eating.

Where have I been?

2008-01-01T10:41:00.000-08:00

I could sit here and do a recap of everything that has happened since 2001 up to this point. Some of those times were a lot of drama that I don't want to talk about again (even in writing). So it's best to leave it unsaid. From ex-lovers, retracting friendships, petty drama, traveling and babies...it was the best of times and the worst of times. I have made some friends the past year and encountered some that tried to screw me over, but not necessarily enemies. I just prefer to keep my distance.

Opportunities came and went; some were pursued and the rest were placed on the back burner of "to-do" lists. This year (hopefully) will be different. I expect change to happen (as the case with every year). I've learned to stand up for myself more and not let anybody step all over me. I can read through a person's bullshit and I am not going to sit around and tolerate it. In fact, I'm walking away from it. So this is it for 2008.

Pettiness over an e-mail address

2001-03-24T23:42:00.000-08:00

Earlier this morning my mother had asked me to create a joint e-mail account for her and my step-dad. Within minutes I had created an appropriate login information and a password for them to remember giving them an option to change it later in case they want to personalize it. I gave the information to both my mom and my step-dad to look over. I did not expect the kind of reaction my step-father was going to have. First he asked why there's a number at the end of the e-mail name and what did the number symbolize. I explained that the desired name they had wanted was not available, which means someone who coincidentally shares the same initials might have used it first. He demanded to know who the person was and why this person took the name. I had no answer for this. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I told him that the computer suggests different formats that uses some parts of the desired name hence the number at the end of it. But he wasn't having it!

He lost his temper and started yelling at my mother. Saying that "nobody in this household ever tells me anything and I am always the last to know" -- considering that there's no one else in the house but my little brother and my parents and they were the first one to know everything before my brothers even find out about ANYTHING. I felt annoyed and aggravated that he would make a big deal out of something petty as an e-mail address. So instead of standing there and listen to his rant I just went to my room.

I could still hear him arguing my mom. And it's always like this ever since. He would yell and argue, she would try to reason out and she is always wrong. In the beginning my mom would cry but she got used to it over time and she just kept her mouth shut and would give him the silent treatment. He would never admit that he's wrong or being unreasonable, so he would never apologize either. Just sweep everything under a rug as if it wasn't there.

Finally, my mom snapped and says, "so you expect us to be robots and try to read your mind so the next time, we'll know what you're thinking?" Because of this, my step-dad tipped the dining table over spilling the food that my mom had cooked and prepared for lunch. Broken glass on the floor mixed in with food. It didn't stop there either. He started throwing things at my mom and that's when my little brother and I rushed to the kitchen to see what was going on and protect her if she is hurt. When we got there, my little brother tried to stop my step-dad by trying to block his path and keep him from throwing things. The old man saw this as an 'attack' so he grabbed my 17 year old brother and started strangling him. Checking that my mom was okay and not hurt I turned to my brother, slammed the old man against the floor as he let go of my brother. I placed my right knee against his chest and looked him in the eyes and threatened to kill him if he ever touches and hurt my mom or my brother again. He kept yelling, "let go of me, you fucking faggot!" I have learned to control my temper but this was an exception. I looked at my mom and asked him to give me a knife so I can stab the bastard to death. My mother grabbed me off of him and I ran out of the house. My little brother went to his room with my mom.

Later, my little brother went outside to see me only to tell me to hop in the car. I didn't understand. But he drove us to his friend's house which is a block away. He needed to call the police because as he was making his way out of the house he mentions that he saw the old man carrying a rifle and that our mother might get hurt.

From what my mother told me of that event. She was able to find the ammo for the rifle and she hid it. So even though the old man was walking around the house with a rifle, it was not loaded. Still, at my brother's friend's house he had called the police and told them everything as calm as he could. He could not let himself break down to cry. Then I called my older brother who was at work, to come home right away. There was a sense of emergency in my tone so my big brother didn't ask any questions.

When the cops arrived at the house, they were knocking at the door ordering to open up. The old man refused. So they sent the back-up to surround the house. Finally, the old man stepped out and the two cops grabbed him and cuffed him against the front lawn in front of the neighbors. That gave the old man a rude awakening. Due to his temper and pettiness, he had caused such an uproar that let him to his public humiliation.

The cops asked my mom if she was okay and if she wanted to press charges. But she didn't. The cops let the old man go but suggested that my mom drive off to where her sons are. After the cops have left, my older brother stopped by at the house. He rang the bell and the old man answered, he was by himself. My big brother, who is the quiet observer and tolerates a lot of shit, for the first time stood up and spoke out, "If I find out that you hurt our mom, I swear I'm going to burn you alive!" and then he was on his way to meet us.

The three of us siblings decided to move out permanently. It was unexpected but it was necessary. We moved out that same day as well. Staying temporarily at one of my big brother's friend whom we consider a family-friend. My mother, contemplating to file for divorce is at home trying to figure out the next steps.

After 13 years of putting up with that bullshit, enough is enough!

Walking out smoothly

2001-03-14T12:45:00.000-08:00

I didn't expect this to happen. It's not like I woke up this morning and told myself, "this is the day."

I got into work as usual. Started off with a fresh cup of coffee and started working in the file room organizing everything that was left behind from yesterday after I left. I always wonder if there's any more to this job than being a file and mail clerk.

One of my co-workers, Susan had taken me for granted since I started back in October of last year. I find myself doing a lot of other things that is beyond my job description, especially duties that require someone who is certified for little pay. So, Susan talked to me in private about my job performance in the conference room and told me that I've been falling behind. Up to this point, all I've been doing is getting everything done on time. So I don't see where she is getting all this information about me falling behind. But she continues by telling me that I am not trying my best; making it sound like she's doing all the work. Excuse me?!

I can only do so much for her in the given time each day. She is not even my supervisor but a claims examiner. My job is to sort out mail and pull files of clients and put them back when they are needed to be put away. She is asking me to call and talk to lawyers, employers and paralegals for her while she's talking to her husband or son on the phone and gossiping with her co-workers when she's away from her desk. I am often interrupted to stop what I'm doing and drop everything. I have to put top priority on other things that have no real urgency.

I figured I've had it. So I finished alphabetizing the bills and claim forms. I sorted out the mail and distributed them to the proper inbox. I thought of a plan in my head to leave work early today (half-day). I went to my desk and started cleaning up. Susan's cubicle is next to mine so she pops her head and asks if I'm done with everything because she has more project for me to do for her. Needless to say, Susan got too comfortable and is one lazy bitch. I told her that I'm going to take an early lunch so I can go back early and start on whatever she needs me to do. She seemed satisfied with my response and went back in her cubicle.

After clearing my desk, I phoned my temp agency. Since my contract with this company have exceeded the expected 2 months (in which they just kept renewing it month-by-month to keep me), I told my rep that today will be my last day at this job.

I normally would have Susan sign my time-sheet but if I did that, she would ask questions. While everyone was out to lunch (except for Susan having hers in her cubicle and another claims examiner by the name of Bridgette), I went over to Bridgette's office and asked if she can sign my time-sheet instead. I had explained to her that I will be going home for the day because I did not feel well. She obliged and signed the paper. I faxed a copy to my temp agency, made a copy for myself and mailed the original out.

I didn't tell anyone that I wasn't coming back. I've worked for that place for almost 6 months now and while I was appreciated for the good work I do. I don't do well with being treated like a doormat and being used as a personal assistant slave especially when they promised me a permanent hire every month and nothing ever materializes. Never again will I work for a corporate company.

Blind date over lunch

2001-01-28T14:20:00.000-08:00

I went on a lunch date with David whom I met through the personals. During our exchange of emails prior to our meeting he seemed interested in talking about different cultures, music and film that when we decided to meet it was not what I had expected. I could understand if he didn't find me attractive because I can live with that. After all this is a blind date and it's not like I was expecting for an overnight chemistry. When we finally met for lunch he didn't say much. When I asked him questions, his answers were brief. I've asked him a few times if he was okay and he says he's "fine".

What really turned me off was when he finally started to talk about himself, he had some sort of snobbery about him. As if to say, "you should be grateful that you're seen in public with me" type of vibe. I just sat there, nodded and agreed to what he was saying. After the date his attitude went from distant-snobbish to friendly and interested. He asked if I wanted to hang out at his place, to which I replied, "That's okay. It's nice to finally meet you but the way you behaved today from the beginning of this encounter made me realize that we're better off that we part ways." I simply just walked away after I gave him a friendly wave goodbye.

Not that I'm doubting myself. But if that were someone else, would you have done the same thing? I'm just curious as to how you would react to that type of situation.

Losing sleep

2001-01-04T10:46:00.000-08:00

I was driving to work earlier today and I could feel my eyes starting to feel heavy. It was happening again. Going to work while falling asleep behind the wheel. I had to stop at the nearby Starbucks to get a jolt of coffee. I'm not really a coffee drinker but at times like this, it's exceptionally necessary. If only I went to bed early last night rather than staying up 'til 2AM. I don't even remember what I was doing up that late. Maybe I was updating my music playlist. Whenever I get into it, I lose track of time.